This is going to be one of those posts where I talk an awful lot, but I wanted it to be out there because in reality, this is the closest thing to a journal that I keep.
I've been a little sad lately. Sad, because I venture outside of my little bubble and find so many things in the world that cannot be classified as anything but that- sad. And I am not even talking about the horrific things you hear in the news, I'm just talking about things like today when the 12 year old neighbor girl came knocking at my door in a panic because she can't find her 6 year old sister. And she hadn't seen her for hours. The whole thing made me sick to my stomach, the little girl came home at dark so it ended alright, except when you consider that the mother hadn't been home at all since before her kids got off the bus and it gets dark here around 8....Or when you think that poor 12 year old is responsible for taking care of her younger brother and sister and that she has to carry that burden when she herself is just a child. It wasn't long after this incident that I found out that one of the kids that I see in and out of my house all week long, her mother was arrested last month because she was cooking meth in a shed out back. How do people do this? How do people's lives fall apart to the point where even the love for your child isn't enough to keep you around? I don't understand....it makes me sad. Really, genuinely, deep down inside of me sad.
I just want to scoop up this little girl the next time she comes over- I want her to know that parents love their children- I want her to know that home can be a happy place and I want her to know that if her house is a place that her poor 8 year old heart isn't happy in, she can find it here. It was in the midst of this deep sadness that I have for the things going on so close to home that I felt a bit of peace because I am able to say that while they are close to home, they are not at home.
I am so thankful to my husband, who works so much and is gone at school and work so often, so that I can stay at home with my babies. So that I am not in the position of ever leaving them at home, or even in the hands of someone else- because they need to feel that I love them. I am thankful for being raised in a family that taught me how important that is. I am thankful for being loved, so that I am able to know how to love.
My life is full and my children are safe, and clean, and fed, and loved. I don't know that they will understand how blessed they are because of those simple things for a very long time- and I hope it stays that way. I hope to be able to shield them from the pain that is out there for as long as I can, and I hope that when they do have to come into contact with it, they will always know they can come home and I will shield them from the cares of the world again and again.
Most of all, I am thankful that I myself know what a beautiful life I have been given. There is joy in every corner of it. My house may be messy, and my kids' faces very well might still have lunch on them at 3 in the afternoon, but we have the love that shields us from the pain around us- and that will always be my biggest blessing.
