I'm not one to complain...

Okay, so I usually like to try to keep my posts cheery and upbeat...this one is neither!

Lately it has been a challenge having any type of sleep schedule with Morgan. We used to be able to read her 2 books, say prayers, sing 2 songs, and then I could leave, she would sweetly say "Good night Mommy" and that was simply that. Now however, when we tell her it's time to read books, she says "NO!" and then our new sleep routine begins:

Morgan Screams

We tell her we love her

Morgan Screams

We remind ourselves we love her

Morgan Screams

We ditch her in her room

Morgan Screams about Monsters and pulls on the door

We hold the door shut

Morgan freaks out

I tell her if she calms down I will come in and read her books

Morgan says, "I DON'T WANT MY MOMMY. I WANT MY DADDY"

The end.

(JD only goes in after she has calmed down, mind you)

Oh wait, that's the end until about 3 in the morning, when she generally wakes up till around 5 and during which time we replay our lovely bedtime routine. Except this one usually ends with JD coming in to relieve me before Morgan gets to the point where she exiles me and only wants her knight in shining armor father.

And then, she's up at 7:30 (which is a blessing I know...if she were up any earlier I think one of us would have to be committed)

So, Morgan was having an all out melt down this afternoon, and I've noticed a pattern with these things. When she has had several nights in a row of the aforementioned sleeping schedule, she gets this way. And all she needs is a nap and a good night's sleep and we usually have our Sweet Thing back again. When the melt down began, I tried to just get around it and move on, but she would not have any of it...It was a full on kicking, screaming, spittle-flying freak out. It didn't take me long to realize that even though it was 3 o'clock and too late for a nap, that was what this kid really needed.

We headed to her room (I'm carrying her, she's flailing) and I got out Cat in the Hat, got to about the part where the fish says the cat is a bad idea..and Morgan has fallen into a chant "I DON'T WANT A BOOK I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Breathe "I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM" Breathe "I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Breathe. I responded with, "Morgan, I know you don't want to go to sleep, but it has GOT to happen. Its time to calm down."

"I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM!"

"Its time to calm down"

"LIVING ROOM!"

"I am giving you 10 seconds to calm down, and then I am leaving you in here all alone"

"I......WANT..... TO........GO..........IN.......THE.........LIVING.......ROOM!!!!!!!"

So I left.

And she screamed.

2 hours later, at 5 o'clock in the evening, she has finally given in and fallen asleep. She will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, go to sleep tonight now.

What am I supposed to do??????

Playing in Puddles

I have a confession to make: I tend to be one of those "no mess" mothers. You know the type...I find myself saying, "Ummmm, lets paint later..." because I don't want to wipe down the table again, or fight the kid to clean the layers of dried paint off her afterwards. Or I carry Morgan over the patches of snow that hardly ever show up around here, because heaven knows, muddy shoes would be a tragedy. And I need to make sure we all understand, that I am a "no mess" mother, not a "clean freak"...because see, my determination to keep Morgan out of messes is not because I am engaged in a life long journey to attain ultimate cleanliness. Its because I all too often find myself making choices based on the level of work they involve, not the level of fun.

Yesterday was a rainy day. Normally, we chill inside on rainy days. Yet for some reason, I was feeling adventurous, and we ventured out to play in the rain.

I loved it.

We were cold, but who cares? Hello, there were puddles for jumping in!

It was fun, and I learned a big lesson: Sometimes its okay to have to do some laundry and give your kid an extra bath, as long as the fun was worth it!

This Year

Just a quick warning: This post is super long and pretty personal, so if you are one of the ones who isn't interested in all that jazz...just hit the back button on your browser :)

There is so much that happened in this last year that I feel grateful for even though some might look at 2009 as a bad year. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are reasons a plenty that our little family could consider 2009 our...ummm...undoing(?) but there are tons of reasons I feel its done the opposite: Fused us together with a bond so strong its not likely to unravel anytime soon!

Early in the year, we became really aware of some bad financial decisions we'd been making. Instead of admitting early on that we were over our head, we tried to cover our bills with credit, and just waited for the day when everything would come back together. We were paying our tithing, so why wouldn't it all come together? And when it never did...it tested my faith and I learned a lot about who I am and what is important to me.

I learned that the Lord really does open the windows of Heaven to us, that we have been blessed with things much more important than being homeowners. There were shaky times when the spirit softly touched my soul and spoke to me with greater effect than if someone were yelling. I have learned that my family is IT. It really is that simple. Those we love are of greater value than comfort, wealth (or in our case, the lack of it), and self.

We decided that even though we are in the worst financial state we've ever been in, it was time to grow our family. I know this baby that is coming is prepared for this time, and that he is supposed to be here now and that he will help us all if things manage to get harder.

JD has grown into an amazing father and husband. Towards the end of the summer, he took a part time position at Costco where he was guaranteed no more than 16 hours a week. Because of his work ethic, and willingness to come into work no matter when he was called in, he has climbed the ladder there and has earned a great deal of respect from those he works with and for. He does a job everyday that he hates to take care of our family. He sacrifices many things that are important to him for the thing that he has shown so well is most important to him: Us.

In the early moments of 2010, as JD and I were laying in bed, I asked him what our goals are for 2010. He laughed a little and said, "Lets just get through it, okay?" I gotta say, I agree with him 100%, and I just hope I learn as much this year as I did last.

But please, for all our sakes, can we make them easier lessons?