Friday, May 28, 2010
A little reminder:
Ugh.
Today was one of those days.
You know the type. The all over-horrible-not an ounce of patience left in your body-bad days. Morgan woke up at 5:30 and well, if you are a parent, you know the rest.
But in case you don't, here's a small overview:
Potty Accidents: 2
Time-Outs: About a Bajillion
Waking up the brother that is miserable cause he can barely get to sleep anyway: 5 or more
Random Screams: 738,982,415
And then there was the time I put her in the corner and scratched her arm up by accident on the "textured" wall which resulted in me feeling immediately guilty and her screaming about me hurting her.
We were just trying to get out of the house to get some groceries. That's it. And it took 2 hours, so I just called it quits and turned on a movie cause I was SO not doing this anymore.
After The Land Before Time, Morgan decided she was now ready to go shopping. I knew JD would complain if we didn't have milk for the morning, so even though I thought I was basically heading to my doom, we buckled up and went to the store.
I was so afraid Morgan was going to fall asleep at 6:00, which would mean another day like today in the works for tomorrow. So I sang pretty much any silly song I could think of with her in the car.
Giving her those 15 minutes of attention flipped our world around.
I was laughing, she was laughing, even Ian was laughing. And now, I kind of feel like crying.
I have been such a stress case lately and I have only been giving her attention when she acts out. So is it really any wonder that she's been rotten? Before our world got shook up, she was my entire world. And now she has to share that with this stupid move and a little brother that I know she loves, but she is just 3 years old and she needs her mommy. She needs HER mommy. The one who loved her more than anything else, and showed it all the time. I feel awful when I think of the heartbreak she must feel every time I tell her "Not now" and then when she starts to whine I tell her to knock it off...of course she's whining...she's lost her mommy.
What is it that brought about this avalanche of remorse? I had given her maybe a half hour of my time, real loving, happy time, and as I'm driving down the road she says, in the most sincere voice you've ever heard,
"Mommy, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused."
It broke my heart. And I am sure it came from some movie, but she still found it applicable to things right now.
So, I am writing this post just to remind myself of what a little angel she is. The next time I'm having a hard day, I might need to remember what it felt like to hear that.
And starting tomorrow, I'm going to try my darndest to give her back her Mommy.
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3 comments:
Don't beat yourself up about it! We ALL have days like that, we are human after all. She knows you love her and that your there for her, sometimes it is just a time when the kids and we have to learn what comes first. Sometimes with Hunter I have to ask him to remind me after I finish helping Connor. So Hunter will wait a few mintutes and then say, "mom, I'm reminding you that we are going to play hide and seek." There is only so much one person can do, even if we believe we can do it all.
I hope your next days get better!
Sharing your heart must be so hard sometimes. But I am glad that you were able to figure out the issue so that you all can be happy again.
Aww... I know how you feel. I don't have two kids but I know that feeling you had. Like Alicia said though, we're all human and there is only so much we can do and stretch ourselves. Just keep doing what your doing, you're a great mommy. :)
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