Tiiiiiiii-ddddddddddduuuuuunnnnnnnlllllllll!

We went over and opened presents with Dave and Annette last night since we will be spending Christmas in AZ with my family. Ian got this car track and it has been a hit for sure! (except Howie isn't sure what he thinks of it)

Every time the cars get close to the tunnel Ian yells, "Tiiiiiiiiiiiii-dddduuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnellll!" ("TIME TUNNEL!" from dinosaur train)

It's Been a LONG Time...

    Okay. It's been a LONG time since I last blogged. So long, in fact, that I imagine I could probably write all my little secrets on this here blog and no one would even ever know them. Lessee.....a secret to tell......Well, the other day I was standing in my living room when, all the sudden...okay, that one is too juicy to tell just in the off chance that someone actually is checking up on me :)
   Here's the question on everybody's mind at this moment: What could have happened to wake Brytani from her blogging slumber? And I am going to answer that one, real soon, but first I have to say what put me into the coma. I got a little behind, and then I got a lot behind, and I got all anxious about how much I had to post, and then I got all sweaty in my palms and clammy and it was just easier to not think about the blog. BUT, every now and then, the little stinker of a blog would pop into my head and nag me about not keeping a good record of my children. Every so often a moment so beautiful that I would never want to forget it would come around, and I would think, "I need to blog this!" and then I would get all guilty, clammy, sweaty, yada yada yada, and file it away to be done when "I catch up". I may still catch up, and randomly post things from the last year that have happened while I have been sitting out of blogland, but for now, to rid myself of the anxiety, I am starting fresh.
       So fresh and so clean, clean.
                      I couldn't resist.

   We had a pretty good day today. The kids did several things that made me laugh {a lot}. We finally had one of the days I have been wishing we could have again. The kind where I am not crazy all day and they actually think their Mommy is a cool one :)

(This is Ian today after he found a hidden present in my room and brought it out to me saying "Ah-ha!")

 While our day went well, and we had fun, the real reason I wanted to blog was because tonight I had one of those moments I was talking about a minute ago, one of those ones that is so precious I don't want to forget it.
      I had just put Morgan to bed, and we had successfully gotten through her entire bedtime routine without me feeling like I was losing my mind (thanks to Morgan's suggestion that we ride the Dinosaur Train- we all climbed aboard the train to get us from the bathroom for brushing teeth to the bookshelf and finally all passengers had to exit the locomotive at bedtime station, Toot Toot!) and I was feeling pretty good about FINALLY having a "good mom day" again and enjoying my kids and making memories when I was sitting at the table, looking at some of the ads with Ian. He kept pointing to juice and getting excited, and he was really excited about the ice cream on sale at Smiths, and then he just laid his little head against my neck and whispered, "Love ya" Actually, he said, "Yuv ya" :)
   It was the first time he's ever said it and I don't want to ever forget that tender moment when I was doing something so tedious with my little bug and he felt like it was a good moment to speak up and say he loved me. We sat there for several minutes, me whispering to him that I loved him, and him whispering it back,"Yuv ya"
  You would think I would be used to my heart swelling up like the Grinch's does by now, but it still surprises me when my throat tightens up and I feel like my heart is going to burst from my chest with all the love it has for these two little angels. I love them so much and complicating it with more words sometimes seems like it loses its simple message that Ian expressed in just a soft whisper. Sometimes you don't need a lot of words. Sometimes, you just need, "Love ya."

I said...

I said she didn't have to take a nap, just a little rest. She was super grouchy and whiney and cry-ey, so I put on a cd and told her to just lay down and listen to the music and when it was over she could get up and come play with us some more.

I said she didn't have to sleep, but that didn't seem to stop her. Mission Accomplished!!!!

Kisses from Ian

Good Mom

I want to be a good mom.
I want to teach Morgan and Ian. I want them to be successful and happy. I want them to avoid the unnecessary pitfalls and know how to pick themselves up from the ones they have to fall into. I want them to know their Savior. I want them to know how much He loves them. I want them to know how much I love them.
And I hate hearing Morgan cry at night. I hate walking away from her when she doesn't listen. I hate feeling like I am breaking her heart when I am trying to teach her. I hate when I lose control and slam a door.
I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to react when I tell Morgan no and she finds a way to make the situation okay. I don't know what to do when we're both right. I don't know what to do when we are both wrong.
I want to be a good mom.
I hate hearing her cry but I don't know how else to teach her.
I don't know how to feel okay with leaving her in her tears.
I want her to know how much I love her but I don't know how that is supposed to work when I spend half the day "using my mean voice" because she just DOES NOT listen.

It hurts.

I just wish I knew what I was doing. I wish I could go forward feeling 100% about the parenting choices I am making. But there is so much gray where I always thought it would be black and white.

Some days it is hard to be a Mom. I wouldn't give it up for anything, even when I am frustrated with Ian for his temper, and Morgan for her arguing, and myself for my reaction to the combination. It would be a whole lot easier if it wasn't their lives I am molding.

Needless to say, I am feeling a little overwhelmed today. Can somebody toss me a stress ball?

EDIT:
  I do realize how very over dramatic this is. But, seeing as how it's my blog and all, I am allowed to be this way here. Writing it all out helps me to not be this way in real life, where it might cause problems. That is all :)

Hamster Hooplah

This afternoon Morgan was seriously upset. Majorly even. Because, you see, her mom made her come home from the neighbor's house before she was ready and well, in her words
 "That made her feelings hurt really bad!!!!"
 Anyhow, she is crying and I am doing my best to ignore it and not snap at her while I am trying to let her work out her feelings and she says,


"I have to go back to Conner's! I have to! I have to find their hamster! That girl, I think she is the sister, hers hamster is lost and I have to help find it!"
That was random enough to get my attention. "What? They lost their hamster?"
"Yes Mom! It's lost! It was just in a ball and I just picked up the ball and I threw it and the lid camed off and the little hamster just runned under the couch in a dark spot!"


"Wait?! YOU lost the hamster?"


"Ummmm....yes."


This is the part where I am thinking about how much I don't want to walk over to the neighbor's and tell them that my daughter enabled a small furry animal to be running rampant around their house. 
So I asked, "Did you tell anyone?"
"Yes! I just telled the sister. And the Mom. I telled them the truth."


And even though I still have a rodent-releaser, I am extremely proud of her.

Changin' It Up..Again!

SO, we are moving! Again! But, hopefully this time it will be for a while!

We have been checking craigslist, ksl, and about 7 other property management company's websites for the last 6 months trying to gauge what is a good deal around here, and just waiting for the one we couldn't say no to. Plus, with all our requirements (keeping Howie, 2 car garage for all our junk...) it has been interesting, to say the least, trying to find a place in our budget.

BUT- last week this townhouse showed up on KSL and I almost didn't even call on it because there were no pictures and I figured it was a waste of time. I decided to go ahead and put forth the effort, and I am glad that I did. It's a 3 bedroom, 2 bath with a 2 car garage for 700 a month, including water and landscaping. SO, it's a little pricier than what we were hoping, but it is still a screamin' good deal. And they are letting us keep Howie :)

Here is a link to one of the other units in the complex that is for sale,  it has pictures so you can see what it's like. Our place has the same floorplan, but there's no tile.

Anyhow, I have been back and forth on whether this is a good idea or not. We have been so blessed to have a place to stay here with Dave and Annette, and I am so nervous about the price we may pay  in stress because of the cost of rent. But every time I pray about it, it feels right. And I am able to calm down and stop hyperventilating. (for a few minutes at least)

The best part about this place is that it is less than 5 minutes from Costco, and barely more than that to the college. Right now JD is spending almost 2 hours of his day just driving to school and back, and then to work and back. With this place he will be getting an hour and a half of that time back. Us too, we will get him for a whole hour and a half more!

There are lots of reasons why I am excited, but I am also going to miss so much from living here. When we moved here, I had a really hard time being away from my family and friends and I feel like we were given the opportunity to live here as a blessing from Heavenly Father so that I wouldn't have to ever be alone. When Ian wouldn't sleep at all at night, Annette watched the kids so I could nap during the day. And I am a little jealous about this one, but I just can't make JD laugh the way that Sam can.

I guess there is a good and a bad to everything, but at least the things that are bad about us leaving are really things that were great about us being here.

All I know, is ever since we moved to St George, it's been nothing but blessings. I hope we can stay humble enough to keep them coming!

Feeling Pretty Good

    Besides the fact that it is almost 11 and I am stinkin' tired, we are feeling pretty good! We went up to SLC for an appointment to get an echocardiogram done on Ian's heart at Primary Children's Hospital and the test showed that he has a bicuspid aortic valve with mild aortic stenosis. Which (in English) means that most people's aortic valve has 3 (tricuspid) flaps that open and close to allow and restrict blood flow, but that Ian only has 2. And since he only has 2, the flaps do not open as completely as they would otherwise, which causes the blood to come through at a higher pressure.
    Accompanying the bicuspid valve, is mild aortic stenosis, which means his aorta narrows slightly at the valve, which also causes the blood to have to come through at a higher pressure. BUT, the good news, is that it is classified as mild stenosis and is currently only coming through at 20 mmHg and we don't need to worry about it until it comes through at 60 mmHg, which doesn't happen quickly :)
   What happens from here? Ian will need to see a cardiologist annually for testing to make sure the stenosis hasn't gotten more severe and to monitor the progress of the rate of pressure that his blood is going through the valve. The doctor said the biggest difference for Ian versus other children is that he might not be able to play contact sports like football, hockey, or wrestling. But I figure if that's the most we have to worry about, I can handle that!
  All in all, I am feeling very good. I am so thankful that it is such a mild case and that he is still such a healthy boy. Yes, there are a few things it sounds like we will always need to be concerned about, but I am so glad it didn't end up being anything serious!

The Dealio

    I figured this would be the easiest way to spread the news to the people who care about our family without it being too dramatic and without me having to tell a million people a million different times.
    About a month ago our family practice doctor found a heart murmur in Ian. At that point we weren't really concerned with it because heart murmurs are very common, and most kids have one at one point or another. The murmurs that most kids get are called innocent murmurs, and like I said, are very common and not anything to be worried about. Our family practice doc said he wasn't very knowledgeable in little hearts, so he referred us over to a pediatrician. (which, this is kind of a blessing because the pediatrician that he referred us to is the best in town and has a 7 month waiting list, but she accepted Ian right away because of the murmur)
    We were able to get in to see the doctor yesterday and she listened to the murmur and told me his murmur is definitely not innocent, and that he has something wrong with his pulmonary artery. That's about all she was able to tell us without doing any tests, and she referred us to a pediatric cardiologist that comes down to St George once a month.
    The good news is she went over a whole list of  symptoms that Ian would have if there was any need for urgency in the situation and he isn't showing any of them. So for now, we just get to wait and wonder until his appointment with the cardiologist, which is scheduled for March 11th.
   I am kind of hoping for that miracle story everybody has heard where the doctor diagnoses something, and then a month later when they test for it, the issue is miraculously gone. It might not be the best way for me to be looking at it, but for now it is allowing me to plod along through our day without me constantly worrying. We would love any prayers you can send our way: for Ian and his heart, and for me and any help I can get from on high to calm mine :)

Magic Dad

Morgan has a panda beanie baby. His name is Pandy. 

Yes, it does sound like she is screaming "Panties" when she asks for him in the store or outside or anywhere else. Just in case you were wondering.

But, she loves him. Very much.

And he has been lost for the last 2 nights.

Tonight, when she asked for him again, I asked JD to tell her he is still lost, because I didn't exactly have the patience to go back into her room for the melt down I was sure would ensue.

What did JD do? He walks over to the toy box, fishes out a teddy bear puppet, stuffs a bean bag inside of it and the next thing I know I hear Morgan saying 

"Oh, Daddy! I love my new bear! I will name him Pandy too!"

If I had tried that, well, it never would have flown. We'd still be hearing about it 2 hours later, I am sure. But nope, a bean bag stuffed inside a puppet was just right because it came from Dad.

Magic Dad.

PS- I'm not bitter. Just a little jealous that I'm not magic. And also, very glad that she thinks her Daddy is :)