What now?

Like I said in our last post, I am planning on going private, but, I just needed to put this out there before I do that because I need as much feedback on this one as possible. So please, PLEASE leave a comment even if you think your opinion may not matter, or that you have no advice!
Here was my day today:
This morning I woke up, showered and left the house to go help a friend move. That, went just fine. From there, Morgan and I loaded up and headed to an OB appointment. Morgan was cracking me up, she was talking to all the nurses saying things like, "Hey Lady, what you putting that on my mommy's arm for?" (the blood pressure cuff) I don't think a single woman in the place was not smiling at my daughter.
After that, I did not get anything resembling a smile from anyone ever again. Well, there was the one lady who stopped me and said, "You are doing so well. I had one son who was just like that, and you are really doing a remarkable job keeping your cool." What elicited this from a random woman in Walmart? Oh, I don't know, maybe it was just the MONSTER my daughter had turned into!
People isles away were turning just to avoid us. Here's the scene:
Just imagine one sound, because if you were in the Prescott walmart today, that's all you heard : Morgan's wailing. One continuous wail that changes in pitch, but never in volume. JUST LOUD. Oh wait, there was another sound, me. And here's what I'm saying, "Morgan if you would just sit down- you need to sit down now- This is your last chance." This is where the super scream comes into play because Morgan wouldn't sit down, and I "helped" her into a sitting position in the store. So now its not just wordless cries, its mingled with, "My mommy hurt me! Mommy you tell me no!!! Morgan is so so SAAAAAAAAAAAAD"
So, I continue doing my shopping, at lightning speed, and of course there are the looks. The looks as I am zooming by someone that say, "Can't you control that kid?" And sadly, the reason for this post, is that I am afraid I can't.
When we were in the store, I tried everything. I tried positive reinforcement, threats, following through with the threats, bribes (eek), flicking her mouth for her back talk....And still, I know there is one thing I didn't try. Spanking.
I just... uhhh...I just don't like it. Its not that I judge anybody else who does it, I just keep it in reserve. Morgan has been spanked twice. Once when she ran away in a parking lot and once when she took off into the street. So, basically, I try not to do it unless it is a situation that if repeated, could have a major repercussion.
Yet...the last few days she has run this house. When I do assert my authority over her, its a disaster. She goes to her room for a punishment and even as I am dragging her there, she is laughing. Once she's in there, she's singing Wheels on the Bus or something else that just floats to my ears as a taunt, "I'm happy in here, and I'm not learning a darn thing."
I guess my biggest problem with the whole spanking idea is that I do not want Morgan to obey out of fear. I don't want her to be good because, if she's not, she's ending up with a raw rear end. To put it as simply as I can, Fear is not an emotion from our Heavenly Father. I don't want to use it while I'm raising my kids, I would rather use love.
I was talking to a friend about this today, and she asked what was the worst thing when I got into trouble, and I remember it clearly. I hated disappointing my parents. The problem now though, is, Can a two year old really understand that concept? Can I really expect for my hugs and kisses to somehow produce a child who obeys? I mean, when I say it like that, it sounds absurd.
Ahhhhhh, this whole thing is rambling. I guess I am just looking for some advice and every body's views on discipline and what the heck I should do next.

GOING PRIVATE

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I just feel like Morgan is getting too old for me to safely have her pictures out on the internet for everyone to see. I just don't want to have to monitor what stuff I am putting on here, if I want to put a swimsuit picture, or a bathtub picture, then I want to be able to do it and know that its safe, and that she is safe. I'd rather monitor who's looking at our blog over what I'm putting on it. It makes me so sad that we live in a time when we have to be worrying about this kind of stuff :(
Anyhow, if you still would like to read it, I am planning on creating a grouping in my email of anyone who is interested so that I can just send out a mass email when we update since I know the updater things on Blogger don't work if you are classified as private. So, if you would like to keep up with us, send me an email to brytani_m@hotmail.com.
I really hope this works out and I am not losing too many friends because of it!

Start Your Engines!

Start your Engines! Rev it up! Thats right everybody, get ready for the

TERRITORIAL 500!!!!!

The Territorial 500 is my favorite ward activity of the year. It does everything a ward activity should: Promotes family time, fills your belly, and is SO MUCH FUN.

Here's the premise: You spend time together as a family making your car. It starts a cardboard box, then magically transforms into a racing machine. (Flintstone style)

Then, you go riding along in your automobile all the way to the church, where they divide the races up into:

1) The Dwarf Race (nursery)

2) The Big Kids (primary)

3) The Really Big Kids (youth)

4) The "Biggins" (adults)

Then, you take your mark, get set...GOOOOO!

And at the end, they hand out real live trophies. Does it really get any cooler than that? Does life get any better than seeing your kid be SO excited for the tiny little dollar store trophy? Nope. Sure doesn't.

I love it. I love to watch all the little kids go zooming around the track and I love to watch the super little kids cut through the track because, seriously, who really needs to run in a circle? Oh, I just love the whole thing!!!!

The Family is of God

In primary this year the kids learned a new song called, "The Family Is of God" So, to make sure I am not the primary president looking like an idiot and not knowing the songs, I sing the songs from the program to Morgan when she goes to bed. The last several nights, this one has been hitting home for me. There's one particular line in it, that just gets me:

"God gave us families, to help us become what He wants us to be. This is how He shares His love, for the family is of God."

I just cannot describe how strongly I agree with this. I know the Lord gave us families not only to allow us to find the level of happiness we cannot get from any other source, but because as a family unit we can grow strong together. When President Bednar spoke to us in the Ensign last year, he talked about husbands and wives and our different roles. He said,

"By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fullness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord”

It seems like I have been thinking about the relationship between JD and I a lot lately, and all the thoughts have been accompanied by a lot of looking inward. As I have dissected our time together in my brain, I have realized there is one overwhelming need that I feel when it comes to JD:

I do not want to disappoint him.

Going back to President Bednar, I honestly feel like JD helps me to be whole, and his characteristics push me to be better, to "complete and perfect" myself, for him. When I find myself wanting to do something I know to be less than right, it is his hurt face I see. I don't ever want to be anything less than perfect for him.

And in turn, I have found that as I thoughtfully help JD, and he humbly accepts my expectations, he has turned from a bouncy returned missionary into the mature patriarch of our home.

When we live to complete each other, we grow into people we could never have been alone.

I hope as our children grow they will be able to see that this is what marriage is about. I hope that when they find themselves looking for an eternal companion, they are searching for someone who not only makes them happy, but makes them think, and makes them grow.

I know I found somebody who does that for me, and because of it, I couldn't be happier.

Don't you JUST HATE IT?

Is there anything that grinds on your nerves more than when you have had a busy day, the kind where you go from chore to chore without batting an eye because you just HAVE to be occupied, and then, when you FINALLY get that moment to sit down and relax, you just can't do it???? Because when you are not doing anything, your mind is screaming at you for stimulation? Because just sitting there, with nothing to do, is SO SO SO BORING you almost want to fold more laundry?

Its on days like this when I seriously question my sanity...

SO many things!!

We have had a lot going on recently, so I thought I would just go ahead and do a quick post about all the stuff we have been doing lately!

~ Most exciting, yesterday we were able to go get the first ultrasound done of the new baby. I am only 14 weeks, so determining the sex of the baby was iffy at best, so they decided to just not tell us their suspicions and wait for another EIGHT WEEKS to find out. It seems like forever to me, but I'm sure it will be here before I know it.
This ultrasound was so amazing to me. So different than with my first pregnancy. When I went in while I was pregnant with Morgan, it was cool to see everything, but I still felt no connection to the thing growing inside of me. This time around, I already know how precious Morgan is to me, so seeing this new member of our family was exciting, and I am already starting to love the little "peanut".
Plus, the thought had never crossed my mind with Morgan, but I have been so terrified, like really chest-tightening terrified of losing this baby. So it was such a relief to not only see everything is fine, but to see the little guy/girl moving around and wiggling so much. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I cannot wait for the little one to be here, not because I am SO done being pregnant, but because I am really genuinely excited. I know its a long ways off to be excited already, but I just can't wait!
~ Also very wonderful, yesterday while I was at the doctor's office and I mentioned to my doctor that we are still not covered by state insurance, and he basically got so ticked I was shocked. His office took care of everything, and I am now covered! (its some sort of temporary coverage, so unfortunately the whole headache is not over entirely, but at least I have the peace of mind for a little bit!)
~ I AM SO PROUD OF MY MORGAN! It has been a week and a half since we started potty training, and we have only had a total of 3 accidents! She wakes up dry every morning, and always tells me when she needs to go. She looks at me and excitedly says, "Ope! I got some!" and then off we go running to the potty for her to do her business. Its so great, and she has learned so fast!
~ JD got hired on at Costco, for more hours and a permanent position, where as before he was just limited part time. He received the position because of what a hard worker he has been there, and every time I go in I am stopped by more than one other employee who wants to gush about how wonderful my husband is. It makes me smile.
~ And, lastly, we are so excited for our trip up to Salt Lake City next weekend. JD's brother, Alex, just returned from a mission and we are both looking forward to welcoming him home!

Well, I think that's it. For now!