The Post Where I Complain A Lot:

Alright, I warned you.

I am just so tired of being pregnant. And its not even so much that. Its just that there were about 5 women due about 3 weeks before me, and I think it is playing tricks on my mind. I just feel like everybody has had their babies, and here is me, still not even quite a 2 and only 60% effaced. Which, by the way, is the same I have been for the past 2 and a half weeks.

Yesterday JD pointed out that I have not even reached my due date yet, so what is the point in me getting all worked up. Well, I don't know what the point is, it is just how it is.

I try to calm myself down by pointing out things like:
  1) Regardless of how nice it seems to have a baby 2 weeks early, that is ACTUALLY a malfunction, and my body is only performing as it should by carrying my baby to full term.
  2) I have had a healthy, mostly comfortable pregnancy that has made it bearable to be pregnant for a full 40 weeks.
  3) Everyday this kid stays in there is one more day that I get to spend with just Morgan.

Pointing out these things to myself does not really help, at all.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I feel like my body is just not going to do this on its own ever. I feel like everyday he is in there, is not one more day waiting to go into labor naturally, its one more day to wait to find out when we will actually have the baby. Its just a lot of ups and downs with the contractions that come and go away, and the doctor's appointments where I try and try to keep myself from getting my hopes up, and I still manage to do so, only to find out I haven't progressed at all.

On Sunday, when one of those women who had their baby 3 weeks ago brought in their little guy, I seriously felt like I am never going to have one of those. I just feel like it is never going to happen. Its like I can't wrap my mind around the idea of him ever actually coming out, because I can't even handle getting my hopes up again just to wait.

But, on the bright side, I am 40 weeks on Thursday, and have an appointment on Friday to schedule an induction for next week. So at least I know he won't be in there till next month.

365 Days of Photos

Hey guys! I just read this really cool idea online, and I have decided I AM DOING IT. Yep, a whole year's worth of photos...its kind of a commitment but I figure, one photo a day? I can handle that.
So, here's the jist: Every day for the next year, I am going to be taking pictures and documenting one photo for every day. I might put in a small snippet here and there, but its mostly going to be less talk and more pictures!
Just to ensure I am not boring everyone who is interested in our family stuff (but not necessarily my stuff) with all of this, I am going to start a new blog that is devoted to the 365 photos.
Why am I telling you this? Because I was thinking HOW FUN WOULD IT BE if I was not the only one taking this journalling challenge? SO, if you are interested, I think it would be the tops to have a blog that has like, a MILLION administrators, and we can all get on and post our photos of the day :) We can just title them with out names and the number of the photo (ex. Brytani- day 247)
Anyhow, I am going to get this thing up and running by Friday (I am having such a hard time waiting cause I got the coolest picture of Morgan today, but I want friends to be on schedule with me soooooo I am just gonna keep the cool one for myself I suppose) Anyhow, if you're interested, and not a commitment chicken, leave a comment and we will get the new blog up and running at top speed!

What We've Been Up To:

Most of our time lately has been spent preparing for the new baby. It has been so fun to involve Morgan in the whole process! She is getting so excited for "Baby Brother" to come out and join our family. (Well, a kid in our ward told her his baby brother "broke open" his mom's belly to come out, so she is slightly worried about that, but besides that she's excited!)

While we were going through a bag of clothes given to us (I cannot begin to say thank you enough to everyone who gave us things...I don't know HOW IN THE WORLD people afford to have more kids without having wonderful friends and neighbors!) Anyhow...while we were going through a bag of clothes she had to try on EVERY single baby hat. Maybe eventually one will fit...

She kept holding up the socks and saying, "Ohhh, so tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny!"

This picture is when I caught her trying to wriggle into a pair of 0-3 month pants. Hahaha.

And finally, she LOVES these baby shoes. She says they are "Baby Brother's Blue's Clues Shoes"

So, eventually, I am sure this kid will decide its time to come out. I only have to wash the carseat and we are ready for him. Guess I'll get on top of that one tomorrow :)

Random, I know.

I know this is random, but it sure made me smile. Here's the story:
JD went looking for something to eat for lunch in our house, which is currently pretty bare. (We just need one of those huge shopping trips that all moms dread) He opens the fridge and says, "We don't even have cheese!" Then, I remember a while back he was saying how much he likes celery and peanut butter, so I mentioned it. His response was to bring this out:

Its celery. Celery gone so rubbery it looks like a house plant.
Bwaahahahahahahahaha.
Still makes me laugh.

I'm not one to complain...

Okay, so I usually like to try to keep my posts cheery and upbeat...this one is neither!

Lately it has been a challenge having any type of sleep schedule with Morgan. We used to be able to read her 2 books, say prayers, sing 2 songs, and then I could leave, she would sweetly say "Good night Mommy" and that was simply that. Now however, when we tell her it's time to read books, she says "NO!" and then our new sleep routine begins:

Morgan Screams

We tell her we love her

Morgan Screams

We remind ourselves we love her

Morgan Screams

We ditch her in her room

Morgan Screams about Monsters and pulls on the door

We hold the door shut

Morgan freaks out

I tell her if she calms down I will come in and read her books

Morgan says, "I DON'T WANT MY MOMMY. I WANT MY DADDY"

The end.

(JD only goes in after she has calmed down, mind you)

Oh wait, that's the end until about 3 in the morning, when she generally wakes up till around 5 and during which time we replay our lovely bedtime routine. Except this one usually ends with JD coming in to relieve me before Morgan gets to the point where she exiles me and only wants her knight in shining armor father.

And then, she's up at 7:30 (which is a blessing I know...if she were up any earlier I think one of us would have to be committed)

So, Morgan was having an all out melt down this afternoon, and I've noticed a pattern with these things. When she has had several nights in a row of the aforementioned sleeping schedule, she gets this way. And all she needs is a nap and a good night's sleep and we usually have our Sweet Thing back again. When the melt down began, I tried to just get around it and move on, but she would not have any of it...It was a full on kicking, screaming, spittle-flying freak out. It didn't take me long to realize that even though it was 3 o'clock and too late for a nap, that was what this kid really needed.

We headed to her room (I'm carrying her, she's flailing) and I got out Cat in the Hat, got to about the part where the fish says the cat is a bad idea..and Morgan has fallen into a chant "I DON'T WANT A BOOK I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Breathe "I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM" Breathe "I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Breathe. I responded with, "Morgan, I know you don't want to go to sleep, but it has GOT to happen. Its time to calm down."

"I WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM!"

"Its time to calm down"

"LIVING ROOM!"

"I am giving you 10 seconds to calm down, and then I am leaving you in here all alone"

"I......WANT..... TO........GO..........IN.......THE.........LIVING.......ROOM!!!!!!!"

So I left.

And she screamed.

2 hours later, at 5 o'clock in the evening, she has finally given in and fallen asleep. She will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, go to sleep tonight now.

What am I supposed to do??????

Playing in Puddles

I have a confession to make: I tend to be one of those "no mess" mothers. You know the type...I find myself saying, "Ummmm, lets paint later..." because I don't want to wipe down the table again, or fight the kid to clean the layers of dried paint off her afterwards. Or I carry Morgan over the patches of snow that hardly ever show up around here, because heaven knows, muddy shoes would be a tragedy. And I need to make sure we all understand, that I am a "no mess" mother, not a "clean freak"...because see, my determination to keep Morgan out of messes is not because I am engaged in a life long journey to attain ultimate cleanliness. Its because I all too often find myself making choices based on the level of work they involve, not the level of fun.

Yesterday was a rainy day. Normally, we chill inside on rainy days. Yet for some reason, I was feeling adventurous, and we ventured out to play in the rain.

I loved it.

We were cold, but who cares? Hello, there were puddles for jumping in!

It was fun, and I learned a big lesson: Sometimes its okay to have to do some laundry and give your kid an extra bath, as long as the fun was worth it!

This Year

Just a quick warning: This post is super long and pretty personal, so if you are one of the ones who isn't interested in all that jazz...just hit the back button on your browser :)

There is so much that happened in this last year that I feel grateful for even though some might look at 2009 as a bad year. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are reasons a plenty that our little family could consider 2009 our...ummm...undoing(?) but there are tons of reasons I feel its done the opposite: Fused us together with a bond so strong its not likely to unravel anytime soon!

Early in the year, we became really aware of some bad financial decisions we'd been making. Instead of admitting early on that we were over our head, we tried to cover our bills with credit, and just waited for the day when everything would come back together. We were paying our tithing, so why wouldn't it all come together? And when it never did...it tested my faith and I learned a lot about who I am and what is important to me.

I learned that the Lord really does open the windows of Heaven to us, that we have been blessed with things much more important than being homeowners. There were shaky times when the spirit softly touched my soul and spoke to me with greater effect than if someone were yelling. I have learned that my family is IT. It really is that simple. Those we love are of greater value than comfort, wealth (or in our case, the lack of it), and self.

We decided that even though we are in the worst financial state we've ever been in, it was time to grow our family. I know this baby that is coming is prepared for this time, and that he is supposed to be here now and that he will help us all if things manage to get harder.

JD has grown into an amazing father and husband. Towards the end of the summer, he took a part time position at Costco where he was guaranteed no more than 16 hours a week. Because of his work ethic, and willingness to come into work no matter when he was called in, he has climbed the ladder there and has earned a great deal of respect from those he works with and for. He does a job everyday that he hates to take care of our family. He sacrifices many things that are important to him for the thing that he has shown so well is most important to him: Us.

In the early moments of 2010, as JD and I were laying in bed, I asked him what our goals are for 2010. He laughed a little and said, "Lets just get through it, okay?" I gotta say, I agree with him 100%, and I just hope I learn as much this year as I did last.

But please, for all our sakes, can we make them easier lessons?